Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
