Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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