She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
