I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
