I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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