I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
