Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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