This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
