do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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