oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
