Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
