Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
