after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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