btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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