Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
