im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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