I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
