Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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