we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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