Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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