If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
