It's like God shit irony all over that family
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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