I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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