turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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