oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
