just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
