we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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