Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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