Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
