you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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