There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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