bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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