dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
