You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
