Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
