okay pat passed out under dana's car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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