hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
