she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
