I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
