I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
