Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
