she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
