The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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