I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
