I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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