Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
