Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
