apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
