Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
