wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
