My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
